


Lookalike

by Florian_Gray



Series: Song inspired/Song fics [6]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betaed, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Criminal Minds reference, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed gets a hug, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gavin Reed is a Mess, Gavin Reed-centric, Good Parent Hank Anderson, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor Parent-Child Relationship, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Nightmares, No Sex, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Poor Connor, Poor Gavin Reed, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Protective Hank Anderson, RK900 is named Nines, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, So much angst, Songfic, Temporary Character Death, Then comes back, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Has Feelings, does 11 months count?, song: You are the reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florian_Gray/pseuds/Florian_Gray
Summary: A case goes very, horribly wrong. He was back to being partnerless. Before he would have been happy about it. Working with someone never ended well, and he was tossed around like a hot potato until he could finally work alone. He never thought he’d dread working alone. Nines is there to pick up the pieces, but once again, things can't ever stay the same.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed, Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, eventual Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: Song inspired/Song fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653592
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59





	Lookalike

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta read [WickedWon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedWon/pseuds/WickedWon)
> 
> I'm actually really proud of this. For the longest time I could barely write 1k, now I'm writing almost 8k in one day. So, if you want to get better/write more, then just practice! Your stuff is allowed to suck, not everything has to be a masterpiece. 
> 
> I swear this has a happy ending!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fic! Also if you spot the Criminal Minds reference you get a cookie

**There goes my heart beating**

**'Cause you are the reason**

**I'm losing my sleep**

**Please come back non**

He woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. It wasn’t the first time this had happened after the incident. He reached over and grabbed Connor’s jacket, pulling it to his chest. He took in shaky breaths as he held it, his hands trembled. Fae mewled loudly and jumped onto his bed, rubbing up against him. 

He scratched behind her ear but his mind was elsewhere.

He had taken his jacket from the evidence room, no one made a fuss. It still had both of their blood on it, but Connor's had disappeared after the hour. His was just dried. It used to still smell like Connor, now he couldn't smell much of anything in it except dried blood. 

His stomach injury still hurt, but it was numb compared to everything else. He was told to take some time off, both for his stomach and for everything else. He’d never felt anything like this before, and it ate at him. Connor was so alive one second, only a year old, then gone. It took five minutes and that just wasn’t fair. 

Death was a bitch that took many good people before their time. He’d seen too many cops die, and not even from the job either. It took kids, and it took random people for no reason. He was surprised he hadn’t died yet.

He always knew he’d die. One day he would get a partner and one or both would die. He just didn’t expect it to be Connor. He was pretty healthy other than his past injures. Many of his scars were a testament to the risks of the career choice, , so he assumed it would be on the job or some freak accident. 

He didn’t expect Connor to die. He had died before, but that didn’t count. He always came back the next day. He didn’t come back this time. He didn’t show up at Gavin’s door with that stupid grin. He full-on died and it was all because Gavin hadn’t reacted fast enough.

Connor hadn’t gotten to do so many things. Gavin wanted him to get the upgrade so he could eat, now he never would. He wanted to take him ice skating, have him ride a rollercoaster, go to the beach. He still had so much to experience, and he never would get to.

He stared at his hands. The hands that he held Connor with until he died, and then twenty more minutes after he was gone. 

**There goes my mind racing**

**And you are the reason**

**That I'm still breathing**

**I'm hopeless now**

He had stayed home for over a month now, sleeping most of the time. He didn't take any calls, just watched TV. He fed his cats but didn't feed himself unless he couldn’t ignore the hunger and was forced to cave to it. He knew he was losing weight but he didn't care. 

The days seemed to blur together but moved slowly. Tina would occasionally come in, but he never said anything. She just made sure his cats were taken care of. She’d leave food, but she never stayed too long after the first time she tried.

It wasn’t pretty. She had come over and his house was a mess. Bottles were across the floor and counters. He hadn’t bothered to get up to throw them away, much less to actually clean. The only thing that was clean was the cat’s litter, and he did that to keep his cats happy and healthy. He didn’t drink much, only a bottle every now and then if the day had gotten bad. Tina came in on a very bad day.

She had tried suggesting that he get help, that he should at least talk to someone. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Well, he wanted to talk to Connor but he couldn’t do that, could he? So he had snapped at her. He yelled things he didn’t mean, things he knew would hurt her. When she burst into tears and slammed the door behind he just grabbed a bottle.

Chris was the next person that would check on him. It went about the same, but he was more persistent in Gavin taking care of himself. That only caused Gavin to get pissed, but he didn’t have the energy to take a swing at Chris. Instead, he just turned it into more self-hate. 

Connor was gone. Connor was gone and it was his fault that he didn't react fast enough. He should have shot that bitch in the face. He didn’t though because he didn’t like killing people. Even people who deserved to die a slow and painful death. He hated the feeling of his gun going off; knowing where it would hit the person would kill them.

He hated seeing the blood that he spilled, no matter why. If he could take a person down and get them booked without injuries, that would always be his preference. He hadn’t known the extent of Connor’s injuries but he just should have assumed. He should have protected his partner. 

His phone had been ringing almost non-stop and it was driving him crazy. It was just one of those days where if someone breathed wrong he’d punch them, so he was _this_ close to smashing his phone into the table. He watched as different names appeared, mostly Fowler. Sometimes it was Tina, Chris or even Hank.

He finally answered a call from Fowler and when he heard the news promptly hung up. He could lose his job for all he cared. 

Apparently that bitch was fucking alive. She was alive and that was far from fair. She was in prison but she was still alive. 

He didn’t understand it. How could someone so evil be alive when someone so good and kind had died. How did that make any sense? It didn’t. It made no sense and he hated that this was how the world worked. 

He wanted to scream or cry. Maybe punch someone. Instead, all he did was stare at the wall as time slipped by.

**I'd climb every mountain**

**And swim every ocean**

**Just to be with you**

**And fix what I've broken**

**Oh, 'cause I need you to see**

**That you are the reason**

He finally went back to work after two months. He still felt numb, but he had to get back to his normal schedule. 

He got in early, and almost left as soon as he saw Connor's desk. It had been moved to be across from his when they started to work together. It had a few cute pictures, most of dogs. He had a few succulents that he took care of. Gavin watered them, feeling himself shake. He knew Connor would want them to be taken care of. 

What struck him was that no one had touched it. It still had his name tag, ‘Connor Anderson’. He remembered how excited Connor was to get that, and how shocked Hank was to see his last name on it. Normally desks were cleared so someone knew could take their place. He knew they hadn’t even done a final call through dispatch. A few officers wore a black band across their badges, but most didn’t. 

Did they not consider him an officer? He worked just as hard, if not harder than most of the bastards working here. Just because he wasn’t made of the same shit didn’t mean anything. Or did they think he was coming back? That made sense, but it just made the hurt worse. 

Connor wasn’t coming back. If he was he would have done it a month ago. No, he was gone for good this time. They just needed to accept that, even though Gavin still hadn’t. 

He glanced over and felt his heart start to pound, then drop when he realized it was Nines. He wasn't Connor and never would be. The first time he saw Nines he had gotten confused. He knew that there was going to be a new RK, but didn’t know that he’d look almost exactly like Connor. 

He sat down at his desk and stared at the computer, not even moving to turn it on. If he turned it on then he'd have to work alone again. He'd be alone because Connor was gone. He was back to being partnerless. Before he would have been happy about it. Working with someone never ended well, and he was tossed around like a hot potato until he could finally work alone. He never thought he’d dread working alone.

He jumped when a coffee was thrust in front of his face. The smell was good but also made his stomach churn. He hadn’t eaten the past few days and the smell just reminded him of that. He looked up and cringed when he saw it was Nines. 

"Detective," fuck their voices were almost completely the same. Nines was colder in a way, while Connor's was warm and comforting. "I'm sorry about RK...Connor." 

Gavin couldn't look at him. He just couldn't. He knew it was hard for Nines to show emotions, so this did mean a lot. It just hurt more than he expected. The days Connor would bring him a coffee, or the first time he ordered him to get one.

"Please, just go away." He begged, feeling himself tear up. He really didn't want to cry. He had cried enough and he hated it. It made him feel weak and vulnerable and that’s the last two things he wanted to feel at work. 

Nines nodded and set the coffee down, and Gavin listened to his retreating footsteps. His were heavier than Connor’s, which was odd. He knew Nines was taller, but he was also made to be lighter. Connor just always seemed to be light on his feet. 

He had to take a few deep breaths before signing into his computer. He remembered his hands, covered in red and blue blood. Holding onto Connor's as he died. He remembered the smell of thirium and of his own blood. The feel of the warmth. Connor’s was warm too, which he hadn’t expected. 

He shook his head as he looked through the paperwork, skipping over the work he'd eventually have to fill out for that case. The reports he’d have to do. Writing down what happened, second by second. He knew it would kill him to do it, but he’d have to. He knew he’d have to go to court and see that bitch’s face. He didn’t know if he’d be able to stop himself from jumping across and strangling her. 

He tried his best to shut down his emotions as he started to work. 

His mind kept wandering to that fucking day. That day that he'd never forget. 

_“Alright, I’ll see you soon Hank.” Connor smiled, waving at the other. Gavin rolled his eyes at the two, pulling on Connor’s arm to drag him out of the building. He glared at Gavin, but he pushed it aside. They had a job to get done._

_It was pretty simple, just checking up on a victim that said they remembered something. Normally Hank and Connor worked together, but the new RK was made and he was assigned to Hank, so Connor was left without a partner. It surprised everyone when he suggested Gavin._

_They didn’t get along even after the revolution, but now it was more like a competition. Who could come back with the most snarky remarks. Multiple times one of them would say something so outlandish that they’d both break into giggles. The first time that happened everyone in the office was sure hell froze over._

_They weren’t aggressive with each other, but they definitely didn’t get along. They were both snarky and didn’t put up with each other’s shit. So often enough they clashed. Even after they started working together._

_Gavin liked that, though. He liked Connor’s passion and bite. He’d never tell the other, but he really admired him. He worked just as hard, if not harder than Gavin did, and got cases done with speed and accuracy. It was really fucking impressive._

_They also had times when he felt like he could just talk to Connor for hours. Connor would listen, actually listen to what he was saying. It didn’t matter if it was about a case or not. He paid attention and that felt fucking amazing. He took his opinions into account no matter what._

_So Gavin often did the same. He knew that Connor was wicked smart, and not just from his programming. He listened when Connor told him how he thought a crime occurred, and more often than not he was right. It made them a deadly team with how fast they solved cases._

_He also was getting feelings for Connor. He tried so hard to push them down, but with being so close to him all of the time it was hard. He had so many facts he liked to share, and he talked about animals. He also talked about Jericho, mostly about what the others were doing. He’d sometimes be able to get him to talk about himself, but that was rare. Connor was selfless, and that’s one of the reasons he fell in love._

_In love. Fuck. He was in love with Connor and it hurt more than any injury he’s gotten before, and he’s gotten a lot. He loved all of him, even-surprisingly- his android parts. Connor wasn’t ashamed to be an android and actually seemed proud. He kept his LED in, and he kept his jacket that Gavin often pulled on._

_He had asked about that, why he kept them. Connor had told him that he knew he wasn’t property, but he still respected Cyberlife for making him. Cyberlife was surprisingly easy to work with after the revolution. They gladly made parts for androids and set up systems so they could keep being made. It seemed whoever was in charge finally saw them as alive. Connor had said it was like wearing your high school's jersey._

_They drive was quiet, as Gavin drove this time. They each took turns driving since they both liked to, but it was Gavin’s turn. Each of them had music they’d turn on as they drove and they’d hum along. Gavin had even started liking a few new songs because of Connor._

_He also knew that Connor was expanding his song lists. One day they’d listen to country, the next it could be hard rock. It was actually adorable to see how Connor reacted. If he didn’t like something his face would scrunch up, his LED going yellow for a second before he asked if he could change the song._

_If he did like it, he’d bob his head to the music and hum softly. He hadn’t heard Connor actually sing before, but he hoped he’d be able to soon._

_It took them a long while for them to get to the women’s house. The whole country was struggling with jobs since androids that didn’t have to stay at their past jobs, could quit. So this was past where they’d normally go._

_The house was on a large plot of land, woods surrounding it. A few dogs ran up to them as they got out, and Connor crouched down to pet them. Gavin watched on with a fond smile, before pulling him back up by the back of his jacket._

_“Come on dog whisperer, we got someone to talk to.” So he often went out of his way to touch Connor, sue him. Connor didn’t even seem to mind and often sought it out. It seemed to help ground him. He would sometimes just lean slightly against Gavin if it got too much. Of course, Gavin didn’t care, he actually really liked it. It meant Connor trusted him._

_Connor sent him a glare once again, though they never actually held any heat. They’d glare at each other even when happy and getting along, it was just their thing._

_Connor walked up and knocked firmly on the door, which opened quickly._

_Georgia Foyet peeked her head out and looked around before nodding and stepping back to let them in. Once they were inside she closed the door and locked all seven locks. It seemed a bit much, but she was a victim of a really brutal crime, so he couldn’t blame her._

_She had been attacked by what appeared to be a serial killer. The man would stab his victims to death, and Georgia somehow managed to live._

_She fluttered around the room, her hands shaking. “Are you alright, miss?” Connor asked in the calm low voice he used on people who seemed scared. He always was good at calming people down, which he had to do a lot. Gavin was good with people, but Connor had a knack for it._

_“Huh? Oh, yes. I just never expected her to come back. I just wanted to disappear, you know?” She asked as she kept herself hunched in like she was trying to get as small as possible. She moved slightly closer to Connor. He didn’t blame her for that, he was like a magnet._

_Connor nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder gently, “I understand. Would you like to sit? We can discuss what you remember?”_

_Georgia shook her head, walking towards the kitchen. He watched as Connor looked around. Connor tilted his head and then stumbled back a step. That was definitely odd. Connor didn’t get shocked very often. Gavin tried to look where Connor had been but didn’t see anything. Must be something his scanners could only pick up._

_He looked back at Gavin, eyes wide and LED red. Shit, something was definitely wrong then. “Detective-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence._

_Georgia turned back around and threw a knife straight at Connor. It stuck in his chest, which Connor left in, not even bothering to look down. It took Gavin a second to react, pulling out his gun. By then she had already jumped onto Connor, pulled the knife out and stabbed him again._

_Gavin hesitated for only a second. The last thing he wanted to do was shoot Connor in the process. He was a great shot, so he trusted himself and pulled the trigger, shooting her straight in the abdomen. That seemed to only slow her for a second. She moved off of Connor and jumped at Gavin, swinging her arm. He fired off two more shots, but she managed to slice his stomach. He doubled over but looked back up in time to see Connor slam her head into the counter._

_He dropped his gun and put an arm over the gash, trying to slow the bleeding as much as possible. It hurt like a bitch, but thankfully not too much. He could walk if need be._

_Connor stumbled over to him and fell to his knees, moving Gavin’s hand. He gave a slight hiss as Connor checked his wound. “Shit. I’ve called for help, but they are a long ways out. You should be-f” his voice makes an odd glitchy sound and he blinks rapidly._

_“Connor?” He looks him over and feels his heart drop. Connor has multiple stab wounds to the chest which bleed blue at an alarming rate. “Fuck! Connor, shit, lay down.” He ordered._

_Connor’s LED was still a solid red as he laid back, not even arguing which was an even worse sign. Gavin ignored his pain as he ripped open Connor’s shirt. Fuck. This was really bad. He knew enough about androids to know this wasn’t going to end well._

_He wanted to scream and shoot that bitch again, but instead, he pushed all his emotions down, focusing on remembering what to do. He somehow managed to open Connor’s chest plate with his hands trembling. “Co-Connor. I don’t know what to do. Fuck, how long until they get here and how long till you shut down?” He asked, keeping his eyes on Connor’s bleeding chest. He didn’t know what wires went where what was fixable by just connecting them or not. All he knew was Connor’s thirium pump was badly damaged._

_He jolts slightly when he feels a cold hand brush against his cheek, wiping away a tear he didn’t know had fallen. “Gavin, they are at least twenty minutes away.” Fuck, shit that wasn’t good. Not with how much Connor was bleeding and he knew that sociopath didn’t have thirium. “I’ve got at most ten minutes.”_

_“No! No, Connor, you’ll be ok. Just tell me what to do. Please.” He begged, openly crying now. He couldn’t lose him. Not so soon. Not now._

_"Gav, just, can you just talk to me? I'm scared." That effectively broke him. He moved so he was cradling Connor's head, running his bloody hands through his hair. Connor’s voice was so small and tremulous._

_"Fuck, yeah of course. What about Sumo? I'm sure he's gonna be so happy to see you again?" His voice kept breaking, staring down at Connor. He had no idea what to say or do. He was fucking useless. The clock on the wall seems to tick incredibly loud, mocking him. He knows he can't stop it, reverse it or slow it down._

_Connor kept his hand against Gavin's cheek, his hand shaking. Must be from the fear because his hands never shook, no matter what. "Not, not them. Please." Connor begged, shaking his head. And fuck, Connor was crying. They were slow tears, trailing down his face._

_"A-alright. Well, the first time-" he had to take a shaky breath, "-first time I saw you I thought you were too cute. It was unfair how cute, yet intimidating. I didn’t know how Cyberlife managed to make you like that."_

_At this point, he just wanted to distract Connor. He wasn’t going to lie, though. He knew it didn't actually hurt, but just because it didn't hurt physically didn't mean it didn't hurt mentally._

_"Really?" Fuck, his voice was all glitchy again. He hated it, it didn’t sound natural. Connor looked panicked at his own voice._

_Gavin nodded his head, trying to smile. "Yeah, yeah I did. You are absolutely gorgeous, Connor. I'm so sorry for all the shit I did. I was jealous and scared." He rambled. He remembered how scared he was of Connor taking his job. Now he’d rather take it than die. He’d give anything for this to not be happening._

_"Huh, I just thought you hated all androids, guess I'm just special." Connor grinned then started coughing, blood coming out of his mouth. It was such a human thing to do, and he was going to slap Elijah the next time he saw him._

_"You are. You're so special, Connor. Fuck. You mean a lot to me so you better not die." He didn't know what he'd do if he did. He had gone through so much shit with people he loved. He knew that if they were together Connor would never do the things the others had. He had been so afraid to feel anything like this again, but Connor just broke down every defense he had._

_Connor's LED was flashing between yellow and red, and he guessed that was better than solid red. "You mean a lot to me too. You are actually very kind when you let your guard down."_

_Gavin snorted and shook his head, cringing at the pain in his stomach. He trusted Connor to know if he actually needed to do anything for it._

_It wasn't very deep, so he didn't worry too much. His guts weren’t spilling out and he wasn’t bleeding much. His mind was completely focused on Connor._

_"Pft, I'm really not. I'm just an asshole who has self-esteem issues. You are selfless and kind. You love animals and you help everyone, even if they are dicks." He'd seen Connor help someone who, not ten seconds ago, yelled at him for being an android. Something he couldn’t even control. The world never changed._

_"Just… just doing my duty. Fuck, Gavin. Not much longer. Can… can I ask you for something? Don't say yes because I'm dying." His hand was weaker against his cheek. Gavin reached up with one hand and covered Connor's, holding it tightly against him._

_"Yeah, of course. Anything, Connor." He mumbled, nodding his head. He’d kick a cat if it would keep Connor alive._

_"Kiss me? Fuck, sorry. I… I've liked you for a while. I just didn't want to die before-" he couldn't finish his sentence._

_If Connor wasn't bleeding in his arms he'd be over the moon. Instead, he leaned down and gently pressed their lips together. He wished he had gotten to do this before. He had so many opportunities that he never took because he was scared. He pulled away after a second, a choked sob coming out. He had to wipe at the blood on his lip from Connor._

_"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do that. You fucking live and I'll take you on the best fucking date you've ever been on." He promised. He didn’t know what they’d do, but he’d think of something. Something so amazing that Connor could never forget._

_Connor nodded his head, a smile on his lips. "Yeah, yeah that sounds like a good plan." He could see the fear in his eyes, but he also looked… tranquil in a way. Like he was ready, which wasn’t fucking ok._

_His eyes fluttered closed for a second and Gavin panicked, squeezing his hand. "Connor? Connor, hey, look at me." He pleaded with the other._

_Connor thankfully nodded and opened his eyes. "Yeah, I can do that. Gavin, there's only a minute left."_

_He knew. He knew that the ambulance wouldn't get here in time. He knew it and he wanted to curse whoever was driving for not going faster._

_He leaned back down, and kissed him again, putting as much love as he could into it. He pulled back and saw Connor smiled sadly._

_"Me too. Gavin, I-" then his voice cuts off._

_"No! No, please, Connor. Connor, please come back. Fuck, I love you. You hear me Tincan? I fucking love you so you better come back!" He grips Connor's completely limp hand. "Please." He whimpers._

_He sits there, begging for the other for the remaining time, sobbing into his hand. It hurts so fucking much, and the gash in his stomach isn't helping._

_He wants to pick up the knife and finish the job. He doesn't, instead, he just holds onto Connor. He keeps stroking Connor’s hair, pleading with him to wake up. His LED holds no color, and his eyes are dead. He doesn’t have the heart to close them._

_He numbly looks up when the door is broken down and sees people rush in around him. He briefly tries to struggle when they pull him away but he doesn't have any fight left._

_They pull what's-her-fuck onto a stretcher. She should be in a fucking body bag. But she isn't. She's alive and Connor isn't._

_He watches in silence as Hank rushes in, falling to his knees when he sees Connor._

_He knows how he feels. But soon he's being taken away to his own ambulance._

Someone slamming something on their desk and a loud curse finally brought him back. Fuck, he was crying again. He stood up and quickly walked to the bathroom, not running but walking. It was blessedly empty as he leaned over the sink, gagging on the tears that came out. 

He gripped the sink, the cold burning his hands. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. He wanted to go back to bed, curl up with Connor's jacket and never wake up again. 

The bathroom door opened and he looked up, glaring at the blurry figure in front of him. He knew he looked far from intimidating, but still, he tried to get his point across that he didn’t want to be bothered. 

He knew it was Nines, but he just looked so much like Connor. "Detective… humans typically react well to physical intimacy when upset. May I hug you?" 

Gavin walked up, not bothering to wipe his face and glared at the other. He wanted to punch him for looking so much like Connor. Nines should have been assigned to him. He should be the one dead, not Connor. 

No… no that's wrong. If anyone should be dead it should be Gavin. Connor should have lived and Gavin should have bled out. He should have figured out something was wrong. 

Instead of punching, he just leans in, not even bother to wrap his arms around Nines. 

Nines takes a second before pulling him close and rubbing his back. Gavin just sobs into his shoulder.

**There goes my hand shaking**

**And you are the reason**

**My heart keeps bleeding**

**I need you now**

He worked alone, but Nines would check up on him. It was odd getting closer to someone who looked like the man he loves...loved. 

It was still weird to see Nines, but he no longer saw him as Connor's replacement. Nines was his own person, and that helped. 

He had his own quirks and wants. He liked animals, but different than Connor. He was more analytical, but also snarkier than Connor was. 

He was glad that Nines worked with Hank. He knew it was hard for the old man, but if he didn't have someone he'd go back to drinking. 

That didn't stop Gavin from drinking and smoking. He knew it was bad, but he couldn't stop. The alcohol numbed the pain, made him forget for a little while. 

He understood why Hank did it. Sure he'd used alcohol to cope before, but never like this. He started out a few drinks a week, now it was a drink every night. 

That one drink turned too many and it was now the only way he could get to sleep. Otherwise, it was filled with nightmares of Connor dying in his arms.

He knew it was affecting his work, but he didn't care. He solved cases slower, not even caring much. He knew others noticed it too. He wasn’t very subtle about his drinking habits. 

Hank had come up to him multiple times, trying to give him advice. He didn't listen, though. Instead, he just drank more. 

It had been a bad night, filled with too many memories of Connor. So he was at a bar, he couldn't remember the name of. He didn't give a shit as long as they gave him alcohol. 

"Sir? Do you have a ride?" The bartender asked. She was an android, some model he didn't care enough about to remember. 

"The fuck? Why would I need a ride?" He asked, chugging the rest of his drink. He winces at the burn but again, he doesn't care. 

"You've drunk practically the whole bar, you need to go home and you aren't driving yourself. Do you have someone I can call?" She asks. He can tell she’s using that sickly sweet voice to try to not piss him off. Well lucky her, he isn’t an angry drunk like his father.

He spits out a number and glares at anyone who looks at him. He may not be an angry drunk but he was angry naturally, so whatever. 

He didn't even know who he said to call but flinches when a firm hand touches his back. "Detective Reed. I'm here to take you home. Can you walk?" Nines asks. 

"Fuck. Fuck you asshole." He grumbles, stumbling to his feet. He swats Nine's hand away, walking out. He had to get home, and as bartender lady said, he wasn’t driving. He sure as hell wasn’t gonna walk either. He would get a cab, but that just seemed like too much work. 

"I'll drive you home, just get in the car." He says and motioned to a car Gavin didn't even know he had. It was nice, and perfectly clean, not one dent on it. Not surprising.

He grumbles under his breath and gets in. 

He wakes up, oddly warm. He doesn't remember anything after getting into Nine's car. He honestly doesn't remember much most mornings so it's pretty good that he even remembers Nines showing up. 

He is thankful that he doesn't get hangovers. His father didn't either and he got that from him. So his head hurt a bit, but that was probably from stress, or if he cried. Fuck, he probably cried in front of Nines.

He goes to roll over but hits a warm body. He jumps back scrambling to cover his mostly naked self and takes in the body. Nines is in his bed. Is eyes are closed and he didn’t react to Gavin’s sudden movement so he must be in stasis or whatever the fuck Nines did to sleep. 

Fuck. Neither one of them was wearing much and that sends a jolt down him. Did they? No… he wouldn't. No, he wouldn't sleep with Nines, not with Connor… fuck. Right. Maybe he did sleep with Nines. 

He feels his stomach clench and he jumps out of the bed, throwing on clothes and quickly leaving.

**If I could turn back the clock**

**I'd make sure the light defeated the dark**

**I'd spend every hour, of every day**

**Keeping you safe**

He avoids Nines as much as possible. That's not an easy feat when they work at the same place. He can’t stand how awkward it’s going to be, but it’s already drenched in awkwardness after that night.

Every time he sees a glimpse of him he feels a jolt and then guilt curls around him. 

He shouldn't be thinking about anyone that way. Not so soon.

Nines makes that hard. He actively tries to stay close to Gavin which drives him crazy. He shouldn't be having this reaction. 

Finally, he pushed Nines into a room and glared. "Listen here, we may have fucked but that doesn't mean you get to follow me around like a p-fuck." He growls out. 

Nines blinks at him, frowning. "Detective, we never had intercourse. You asked me to stay, so I did. Nothing more." He feels the guilt uncurl just slightly, but not much.

Thank fuck. If he was going to fuck someone he wanted to at least remember it so he could hate himself for the right reasons. 

But he didn't have sex with Nines. "Oh." He sighs, stepping back. 

"I am disappointed that you think I'd take advantage of you while intoxicated." Nines crosses his arms, LED going from yellow to blue. 

"Fuck," Gavin says, shaking his head, "I don't think that. If anything I thought I forced you. I...Connor." His voice breaks and he has to look away. 

Nines sighs and nods his head. "I understand. I can leave you alone if you'd like."

Fuck he didn't want that. He hated that he didn't want that. He should want Nines to never even look at him. 

"No, no. I… you're fine." He shakes his head, stepping back again. 

After that, they start to get closer. Nines practically forces him to get sober, which eventually he’ll admit was a really good idea. 

It was shit and hard, but he did it and Nines helped. Months pasted, but that didn’t stop the ache that had settled in his stomach, no matter how hard he tried to move on, or forget Connor. He didn’t want to forget him, not really. He just wanted him not never have died.

There were days when it was still hard. Like now. Gavin was curled up in the bathroom trying not to cry. Which he was failing at spectacularly. 

"Reed, may I touch you?" Nines asks, sitting down beside him. 

Gavin shakes his head; he doesn't think he can take it currently. Nines nods and just sits there with him. 

"I could have saved him. I should have reacted faster. I should have known what to do." He rambled, shaking his head again. 

"I'm sure you did your best." Is all Nines says. 

He did. He had tried so hard to save him and still failed. Somehow that was even worse. Even at his best, he wasn't enough. 

"Gavin! I need you to breathe. You are currently having a panic attack. Breathe with me," Nines instructed. He tried to follow along and soon he breathed normally. His hands still shook as he stared at them. 

"Thank you," he says, finally looking up at Nines. He hadn't realized they were so close and his heart skips a beat. 

He shakes his head, disgust filling him as he stands. He's not disgusted with Nines. No, he's disgusted with himself. 

"Fuck."

**And I'd climb every mountain**

**And swim every ocean**

**Just to be with you**

**And fix what I've broken**

**Oh, 'cause I need you to see**

**That you are the reason, oh**

**You are the reason, oh**

He knew what was happening and hated it. He felt the butterflies and the stupid excitement from being around Nines. 

It felt like he was cheating, but that made no sense. He couldn't be cheating on someone dead. 

He couldn't let himself fall, not now. Not yet. He did let himself enjoy the little things, though. 

Like the coffee's Nines would bring him. Or the dinners Nines would bring if he was working a long night. Nines didn’t eat so it wasn’t like he was just making extra, this was specifically for Gavin. 

Each time he'd give a small smile to Nines and eat/drink whatever he brought. It always tasted good, of course, it did. He probably could cook better than most chefs. 

Hank had seemed to just be getting angrier and angrier with the two. He often spat out insults he never would have used if Connor was around.

He tried to ignore it, but it was hard. Hank had basically been Connor's dad, and even if Gavin had hated the old man, he still sought approval from him. He had no idea what stick got up his ass, but he had a few ideas. It definitely was like he was cheating on Connor and Hank saw and agreed.

Nines did seem interested in him, often giving him subtle compliments. It was odd. Connor would give him compliments but it was more obvious. When Nines did it, it was hidden in a snarky comment. 

He liked it though. He liked him. It all came crashing down one night when Nines had come over. 

He had often visited after the panic attack. At this point, Nines could just walk in and Gavin wouldn't draw his gun on him. They wouldn’t really talk much, but Nines always seemed lonely so he really didn’t mind the silent company.

Gavin had just finished a shower, and Nines looked flustered, for lack of a better word. 

They didn't move far from the door, just to the side, Gavin's back against the wall. 

"Gavin, you look-" Nines shakes his head, looking him over.

Nines leaned forward, and Gavin leaned the rest of the way, connected their lips. He pressed against Nines, gripping his shirt. 

Nines hummed happily and something snapped in Gavin. He pushed Nines away, frowning at himself, and tears coming down. 

He shouldn't have done that. Fuck. He should not have done that. It felt so good and that made his heart clench. It was so different from Connor's kiss for many reasons. The main being Nines wasn’t fucking dying. 

Why did he do that? It made no sense. Fuck, it did make sense. He liked Nines even with his face being strikingly similar to Connor’s. Was that why? Was it because he missed Connor so much? No. No, he did actually like him for himself. 

"Gavin, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that so soon after…" he doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't need to. 

"No, I'm sorry. Fuck. Nines, listen. I do like you. A lot actually. I just… I love Connor." He still does, after these past months. He still loves Connor. 

They still hadn't cleaned out his desk, and he doesn't know why. No one will tell him. He wants to scream that he's never coming back. He's dead. 

"He's dead. I...if you want, we can try. I'm not sure I'll ever get over him, though." He says, slumping against the wall. 

Nines nods and takes his hand, "that's good enough for me."

**I'd climb every mountain**

**And swim every ocean**

**Just to be with you**

**And fix what I've broken**

**'Cause I need you to see**

**That you are the reason**

It had been eleven months passed before he heard news of that case. 

Somehow fuck face had gotten out and was now killing again. Gavin begged to be put on the case, but Fowler had said no. 

Thankfully Nines was on the case and came over most nights to fill him in. 

There wasn't much as that fucker was smart. She had fooled Connor up until that day. 

His relationship with Nines seemed to be even slower than the case. He was glad that it was because he still couldn't breathe some days. 

So they took it slow, mostly just spending time together, each doing their own things. Normally they worked on their cases together, sometimes asking each other their opinion. 

They'd also kiss and sometimes cuddle, but they hadn't done anything past that. 

It all came to a grinding halt one day. It seemed pretty normal; Gavin woke up in Nine's arms and got ready for work. 

It was just one simple text from someone he hadn't talked to in a while. 

From: Elijah fuckface

To: Gavin

Im fixing him

He stared at his phone. No. He couldn't. There was no way after all this time that this was possible. 

He knew Elijah had paid for his medical bills but this. This was beyond anything he'd ever done. 

"Gavin? What's wrong?" Nines asks, coming to stand next to him. 

"Elijah. He's fixing Connor." He looked up at Nines through tears. 

"That's wonderful! Do you know how long?" Nines asks. There is a twinge in his voice and Gavin understands. 

He'll go back to Connor. It would hurt to leave Nines but he knew he wasn't at that point with him as it was with Connor. 

"I don't. Nines… we should talk." Gavin says, wiping away the tears. 

Nines sighs and sits down, nodding his head. "Gavin, I understand. I don't blame you. If he wants, I'll understand and step aside. Though, I do have an idea." Nines says, taking his hand. 

Gavin feels like he's vibrating with excitement and love. Connor would be alive soon and he'd have him in his arms. He nodded his head for Nines to go on. 

"If he's willing, perhaps we can all be together, or we both are with you. I was interested in Connor before, but I never showed it. I understand if you are opposed to the idea." He had never noticed that Nines was interested, but he mostly paid attention to Connor. It was actually adorable to think about, though it did make him ache for the other since he must have hurt a lot too when Connor died.

Gavin nodded frantically and pulled him into a kiss. "That sounds perfect. If that's what Connor wants, then yes. I'd love that."

The day came when Elijah sent a text to both Hank and Gavin, letting them know it was time. 

Both of them rushed there, Nines following along. They got in and Chloe led them to Elijah's lab. 

Connor was on the table, eyes shut and LED off. Other than that he looked perfectly fine. There were no lasting damages or scars. It looked like nothing had ever happened. He shouldn’t be surprised since it was Elijah. 

"How? Why now? Why not before?" Gavin asks his brother while looking at Connor. He seemed so peaceful. It just made his heart pound. 

"It was a long legal battle. They wanted him to stay dead since that's what would happen to a human. I told them that he was technically in a type of coma, even though that's absolute bullshit. Long story short, got him back in working order." Kamski said with a shrug. 

"Thank you, thank you so much." He said, pulling Kamski into a hug. He hasn't hugged his brother in years, and it was definitely awkward. He hadn’t been close with him in a long time either, but he wanted to change that. This also seemed to prove that Elijah wanted to change that too. 

After a second Kamski pulled back and patted his shoulder. "Right. Time to wake him up." 

Gavin smiled widely at Nines who gave a small nod. Gavin took the hand he had held so long ago and waited for the LED to turn on. 

When it did he couldn't help but start to cry. It took a few more seconds for Connor to open his eyes. 

Hank also rushed over, putting a hand on Connor's shoulder. He too was crying and gave a small nod to Gavin. It was like he was forgiving him for something, and he felt another burden be lifted from his chest.

Connor looked around, a confused look on his face until his eyes landed on Gavin. He broke into a huge grin and quickly sat up, pulling him into a hug. 

"My systems say it's been eleven months. I'm sorry I've been gone so long." Connor mumbles. Gavin shakes his head, holding onto Connor as tightly as possible. 

"Fuck, I've missed you. Connor, I love you. I didn't get to say it before, but I love you." He pulled back, gently holding Connor's face. 

"I love you too. I was going to say it before, but my time ran out. I love you so much." Then he connected their lips and it felt like fireworks. 

It took Kamski and Hank coughing and making a fake disgusted noise for them to pull away from each other. "Fuck. Sorry, Elijah, Hank. Connor, I have so much to tell you. First, though, I owe you a date." He chuckled, and Connor wiped away a tear that fell. 

"Yes, I'd love that. Though I do have one question. Why in Nines here?" He asked, looking over. 

Nines gave a nod and looked between the two with a small smile. 

"Like I said, a lot to tell you." He knew they'd have a long conversation. Not all of it would be positive, and he really hoped that Connor at least was ok with Nines, but if not they'd figure it out. Because Connor was alive. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like! Kudos and comments give me life!


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